My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
