you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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