Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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