Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
