so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
