Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize