yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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