her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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