did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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