Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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