True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
