I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
