i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
