vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
