My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
