My room smells like vodka and shame
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
