Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
