I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
