Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
