mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
