I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
