It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
