Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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