Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
