i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
