just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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