I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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