You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
