Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
