I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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