Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think weed is turning my hair brown
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
