now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
