forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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