So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
