my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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