first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
