my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
