I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
