He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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