I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
