Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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