Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
