I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
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You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
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you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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