I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
