She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
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She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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