omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
