I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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