So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
