Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Bring me that man meat
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
