Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
