You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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