as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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