I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
