Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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